I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
