He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
