So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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