wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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