Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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