Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
high people should be assigned attendants
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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