Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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