Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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