The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
