I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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