Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
