How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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