Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
