Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
