"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
