Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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