Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
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