Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
