shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
