I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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