Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
