I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
