I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
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Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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