Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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