Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
