I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
