Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
