i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
