it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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