just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
