Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
How did I end up in the pool?!
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We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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