how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
