Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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