it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
