i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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