I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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