you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
