im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
