They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
