So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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