Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
