If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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