so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
