I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
