My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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