thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
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All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
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Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
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