When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
