just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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