woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
