i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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