He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
True strength comes from lack of pants
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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