Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
A+ Viking dick
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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