omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
