I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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