She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
