I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
