He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
