just tell him i said nine months
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
