I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
