It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
