Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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