I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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